Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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