you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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