2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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