you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
