OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
