I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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