So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
