it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Boobs speak an international language.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize