dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
