i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
