That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
