Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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