I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
