So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
