How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
