I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
