carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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