Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
