nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Let's paint friendship bongs
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
