If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
