I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
