Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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