you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
