The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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