ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
pray to the hookup gods
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
