Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
