HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
