Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
