great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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