And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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