I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
