Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
