pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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