I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
