I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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