I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
