Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
