Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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