He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
