i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
