In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
