I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
