Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
