So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
