I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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