This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
