Non-Jews are for practice
Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
