hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
