Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize