We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
