You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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