listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize