i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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