Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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