What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize