i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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