Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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