he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
