I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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