my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
