Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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