No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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