Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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