I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
