My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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