If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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