here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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