I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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