Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
