She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
