i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
