Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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