i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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