he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize