I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
