Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
