that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
