He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize