are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
