I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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