somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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