I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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