just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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