at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
